I can see the light at the end of the tunnel

The best thing about support is just getting everything under control, like debts, like my mental health. Once the ball started rolling, I started to feel better.

Owing money is probably one of the worst things, I would say. With my anxiety and panic attacks, having bailiffs slamming on your door in the middle of the night is terrifying. You feel like a prisoner in your own home. You are genuinely trapped.

It almost feels like someone’s put a hit out on you. I thought, “If I open up the door, will they be waiting in the car for me?” That’s why people don’t want to leave their home because they think they might lose everything.

Before all that I got cuckooed by people in my flat and they got me on drugs. I wasn’t happy doing it, it was more a form of self-medication. But it made everything worse.

It got to the point where I was getting a lot of mental health issues that were building up and debts that were building up. I was feeling depressed and suicidal. I tried to get help but no-one could help me. My old boss used to say, “Leave your depression at home.” I kept going to the doctors saying I didn’t know why I was feeling this way.

My physical health and mental health were affecting each other. It was just like a vicious loop. I need to work because I’m self-employed, but I’ve been signed off for physical health. I didn’t want to live on my own when I was suicidal so I temporarily stayed with my friend.

My mum found out about Pathways Home and now I’m progressing, I’m not stuck in a loop anymore. I trust my Pathways Navigator. She’s helped me so much. It was too much to do on my own. It’s all just happened in a month so it’s quite overwhelming.

We normally meet once a week or sometimes a couple of days in a row ‘cos there’s so much to get done and get prepped. We prioritise the tasks. My first priority was getting back in the flat, next is going to the jobcentre. She has referred me to the Trussell Trust for food and she’s helped me with gas and electric vouchers. She’s done so much.

Communication’s really good. She’ll ring me up and ask for info so she can act on my behalf when she can. I’m not good on the phone. I get stressed out over it. I lose my temper quick. Speaking to loads of people can be so overwhelming for me and so having her help has really helped. Otherwise it can get too much for me and does my anxiety no good. I’ve been referred for assessments for ADHD and Autism.

I’ve got so much to get sorted but we are getting through it all. We’ve been progressing forward, getting debts sorted, getting me back into my flat. I need to get as much done as quickly as possible, ‘cos there’s a lot that needs to be done.

My past experiences have been fully taken into account in support. My Pathways Navigator has really helped advocate for me – she reminds me what parts of my history to mention when I’m talking to services because it’s really easy to forget and not know what people need to know about me. She knows what support is out there and what we need to do. It’s these little things you don’t really think of but she has the experience and has worked with lots of other people.

Now I’m back in my flat, I feel a lot better. I wouldn’t be back there without support. I’ve quit the alcohol and drugs. Being off the drugs I feel so much more alert, able to hold a conversation. I’ve seen how it affected my life – it was either stop, or become homeless, ‘cos I can’t afford to do it. I didn’t want to go that way.

My mental health is much better. I’m getting up earlier and I’m happy when I wake up. I don’t feel stressed out. Every day I try and go for a walk. I’m looking into things to fill up my days so I don’t get bored and go back to drugs. And then in the evenings I feel tired and won’t stay up late.

I feel safer now. I’m getting a lot of support from different places. At MIND, I’ve been getting one-to-one sessions. I didn’t know any of this existed. Most of it’s community based.

Honesty is really important to me. It’s helped me connect with people and get support. I say to everyone, “The more you talk about it, the better you feel. You can either be embarrassed about it or accept it and then get on the path to getting better.”

I got quite depressed ‘cos I wasn’t opening up. As soon as you start talking to people, you can feel better and they understand what’s wrong. Taking that first step is one of the hardest and most daunting things you can do, but you’ve got to take it.

I want others to know that you won’t be judged when you get support. Your past doesn’t matter. They will help you get it sorted and once you’ve got that help, you will soon see the benefits.

Never in a million years did I think I’d get here. It feels like a weight’s been lifted off my shoulders. I feel a lot happier in my life now. I feel I have more purpose now. I do feel really proud of myself. It was hard but it’s got easier.

The day I got all the support from Southdown changed my life. I’d been looking for this support for years and in a month it’s all changed. It’s not fixed yet, I’ve still got the debts, but we are sorting it out. It’s not out of control now and I don’t feel like a hostage in my own home anymore.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can see it’s going to work out. It’s really changed my life coming here.”