“Being understood at work is having a positive impact…”

I’d heard of Access to Work because our clients use it. I didn’t have a clue of what it would do for me, but I applied to it because I needed help.

I came to a period in my work life where I felt very overwhelmed and stressed, and I was heading for burnout. I needed to support a family member and couldn’t cope with work at the same time. It was too much of a pull in different directions.

I went to the doctors and they told me if I didn’t stop, I would burn out. So that’s what I did. I stopped for a bit. Had a bit of time off. And during that time I applied for Access to Work.

Living with Dyslexia and ADHD

I was diagnosed with dyslexia in 2012 when I was a mature student at university. I  was referred for assessment because I couldn’t recall info I’d learned previously – like names and theories. I could picture them in my mind but couldn’t get the words. Somebody had also said to me a few times that I had been writing nonsense sentences. I thought, “How rude!” But what they meant was that I had been writing sentences backwards and mixed up.

I didn’t admit to being dyslexic for years. It’s only in the last four or five years I’ve mentioned it. It’s stigmatised. There’s an assumption that people with dyslexia aren’t intelligent. I’ve gone from being a single parent to getting a good job and I thought it didn’t fit with the story of myself. I always knew I was intelligent but I can’t always get what I know or want out of my head. It’s really frustrating.

Recently, I’ve also been diagnosed with ADHD. I’ve always felt like I was a little bit different and a bit weird – a bit quirky. When I had time off I knew there was more to it than stress. Having a diagnosis has made me feel relieved. Some things make more sense to me now.

Challenges at Work

I’ve always had to put in place so many things to help me get to meetings. And I didn’t understand why I felt so different in different places. For example, I feel really uncomfortable coming to head office and I didn’t know why. I always thought it was restrictive and about me wearing the wrong clothes. But it’s more about the lights, the size, and the way it’s set up. I now know it’s that there are things in the environment that really affect me. I feel differently in our smaller services where there is less going on and less rooms to navigate.

ADHD and dyslexia often occur together and can share similar traits. My memory is affected a lot so I have a lot of to do lists, I write a lot of notes, and put a lot of stuff in my diary. I have to make sure I have recurring dates in my diary for things like supervisions so I don’t lose track.

I’m very good at explaining things in layman’s terms but it’s quite difficult for me to translate complex information. But my team are so patient and they know me and understand me.

When I write emails I read them over and over again to make sure they feel right. Depending on the email I might get someone to check it for me and edit it for me.

I also get anxious when I have to read out loud. I have to really concentrate when reading ‘cos when I look at words I see all the rivers between the words, so I skip from one to the other.

I’m quite stubborn and don’t like people thinking I can’t do something. I like people to assume I’m okay. But it got to a point where I was exhausted and needed help.

Seeking Support Through Access to Work

I was struggling with big excel documents at work. We’d just introduced a new kind of spreadsheet for caseload management which was lovely but it was so overwhelming and I’d shut down a bit. I got into a headspace where I couldn’t do a form anymore. I needed to find a way to make the form better for me but I didn’t know how to do it. That’s why I applied for Access to Work. I thought there must be resources out there that I don’t know about or wasn’t using that could help me.

I googled Access to Work and filled in the form online. You have to put down the name of someone from work so I got it sent to my manager who I talked to before applying. And then I had to wait.

The caseworker had a conversation with me on the phone about why I applied, and then they assigned me to an assessor who was amazing! She assessed me on a zoom call for an hour, asked me loads of questions, and then told me what I needed. She then sent the assessment back to the caseworker who sent it to my manager with the list of equipment I need for Southdown to order.

My Assessment Experience

The assessor was neurodiverse herself and knew what would help me. I didn’t know what I was missing, so I needed someone who did. I didn’t expect to be interviewed by someone as neurodiverse as I am, and it was a really pleasant surprise because they had so much knowledge and lived experience so it made me feel so understood. Not many people understand unfortunately.

It was quite emotional talking to a stranger about myself and how I was feeling. It felt like a massive weight off my shoulders because there’s all this support that I can have. It was a relief because I’ve been struggling with whether I’m in the right job or not, even though I know I’m good at my job. I’m hopeful that this support will help me.

The process has taken a long time and it’s taken months for Access to Work to contact my manager, so if you’re thinking of applying, I would say get on with it now!

Adjustments That Make a Difference

I’m still waiting for all my equipment, but I’m starting to read more about dyslexia, ADHD, and strategies that can help me. When I first came back to work, I didn’t have a clue about what I needed for my phased return. Southdown were really supportive and lovely but if I didn’t understand what I needed, how would they?

Some of the things I have been recommended are Loop earplugs to take the edge off the noise in the office and help me focus because I get distracted very easily; and a ReMarkable Paper tablet so that I can convert my notes into digital files. Writing by pen is better for my memory and now I won’t lose or forget my notes. I can’t wait – I’m so excited. They also put me forward for ADHD coaching even before my diagnosis! It will help me find ways to work in the best way for me.

Since the assessment, I’ve been having more open conversations with people and with my manager about my neurodiversity. And it’s encouraging others to talk more honestly too.

Being understood at work is having a positive impact because people get me and how I communicate a bit more. My team are all very nice and very open with me. We’ve got very trusting working relationships.

As an organisation, we can support neurodiverse colleagues better by understanding and discussing reasonable adjustments with them. It’s about having a conversation together about what they might need. There might be something so simple that could make someone’s life much better.

It’s about recognising our needs and then having conversations about them. Sometimes you need to have a conversation because they can see something you can’t. I realised through practice, that on my phased return I needed to do fewer long days, because more short days made me stressed because I couldn’t shut off.

I think we can improve by being more educated on neurodiversity. We support our clients, but we also need to support the people who work with clients. By having more support, it’s more likely that people will retain their employment and reduce sick leave.

Embracing Neurodiversity and Looking Ahead

My ADHD diagnosis has made me feel more positive about myself. Me being different is a good thing. I don’t want to change myself. I don’t want to change who I am. It can be exhausting sometimes, like when I’m lying in bed and my brain won’t stop, and I say, “For goodness sake, just shut up!” But I now know it’s just me making sense of everything.

We’re all different and we need to accept we’re all different. We need to embrace our differences and be proud of who we are. Trying to be sensible and ‘normal’ and fit into a box is exhausting. And I can’t do it anymore and I don’t want to do it anymore.  

I don’t fit into an obvious and conventional ‘manager’ box and that’s okay. I want people to know that if they are neurodiverse they can still apply for management roles. The fact that I’m a manager and I’m not judged, and I’m definitely myself at work, means we can try to be more of ourselves here.